I am now content with my life. I have a Pokemon for every type. Wait...did I catch a Dark-type yet? Ugh, I have no idea. I'll go through my Pokedex later. For now, I have to take out Misty.
Cerulean City Gym: Misty, the Slut
I ran into her right outside of Bill's sea cottage with a heart in a speech bubble over her head. Now, why the hell is she out there in the middle of the night with some random dude making love-sounds? This slut is a slut.
ROUND ONE:
Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 53 vs. Misty's Golduck, lvl 42
I have this feeling that Kanto is not going to be as challenging as it was for Fuck, I.
One-hit K.O. with Thunderpunch. Yep. I was right.
ROUND TWO:
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 52 vs. Misty's Quagsire, lvl 42
I hate it when Quagsires get thrown into the mix. He's so tempting to use an Electric-type attack against it, but it's also a Ground-type, which means Ampharos can't do shit.
Jynx can, though, and bitch packs a powerful Ice Punch. Quagsire only saw one of her Ice Punches before passing out from the awe of it...the awe and the pain.
ROUND THREE:
Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 53 vs. Misty's Starmie, lvl 47
Ah...fucking Starmie. I remember you. You were always an asshole, even for Fuck, I. Well, I'll be sure to--
Surf! Holy shit, he got an attack out! Fucking Starmie! Good for him! Does 44 points of damage, but Ampharos just shakes that shit off. Weak sauce, Starmie.
Thunderpunch. Hot sauce.
ROUND FOUR:
Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 53 vs. Misty's Lapras, lvl 44
Ooh, a Water/Ice Pokemon. I wonder how that will play out against a pure Electric-type.
One-hit K.O. with Thunderpunch. I guess it doesn't play out much differently at all.
With the Cascadebadge in hand, the best place to hit up now would be Fuschia City and test Kadabra's strength against the Poison-type gym leader. To the bicycle!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Great...no Safari Zone, no direct route to the Seafoam Islands, and on top of that, EVERYTHING REQUIRES CUT!
WEEPINBELL: Yay! I'm important!
Just to be clear, I don't hate Weepinbell. I just hate having to go back to get him. When he levels up enough to learn Solar Beam and I evolve him, he'd be a very nice substitute for anyone in my current roster. But right now, he's more of a liability than an actual contributor.
Good thing is that I don't need him in the party to hit up the Fuschia Gym.
Fuschia City Gym: Janine, aka Koga With A Vagina
Koga's daughter! I beat your daddy, do you know that? By the rules of the Pokemon League, that makes me your new daddy. Who's your daddy!
ROUND ONE:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 55 vs. Janine's Crobat, lvl 36
Koga had a more powerful Crobat and it got taken out with one Psychic attack. Now, you're gonna bring this Crobat up in here and try to take me down? Sorry...can't see how that's going to work.
Psychic. Crobat goes down. See? I know what I'm talking about when I'm talking about this shit.
ROUND TWO:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 55 vs. Janine's Ariados, lvl 33
You see...this is what I'm talking about. Koga had an Ariados that was at least at level 40, and Kadabra was able to take him out with a single Psybeam...when he was at level 40. There's really no hope for you here, so just give me the Soulbadge--
No? Okay. Psychic. Lemme see what else you got.
ROUND THREE:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 55 vs. Janine's Weezing, lvl 36
Let me guess: you have another, identical Weezing that's gonna come out right after this one. Am I right? Let's see your other Weezing.
Psychic. Knock-out. Go on...send him out.
ROUND FOUR:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 55 vs. Janine's Weezing, lvl 36
How did I know? HOW DID I FUCKING KNOW?!? You're Koga's daughter, alright. Are these daddy's Weezings?
Psychic. Well, now they ain't much of anything now, are they? What's left?
ROUND FIVE:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 55 vs. Janine's Venomoth, lvl 39
Alright...let me try to explain this to you very carefully:
Koga...already...tried...this...with...stronger...Pokemon. This exact thing. This exact same thing. Did you debate whether or not to bring Forretress into this fight? You would have forced me to bring out Magmar, which would have been different, but no...you want to keep letting Kadabra destroy your team. Okay. Fine.
Psychic. Venomoth is on the floor, foaming at the mouth. I don't even feel good about doing this, Janine. It feels like half of your Pokemon need to wear helmets when they go into battle and I just beat the living hell out of them. But whatever, a badge is a badge and I'm all about the ultimate victory.
Feraligatr, lvl 56
Ampharos, lvl 56
Kadabra, lvl 55
Magmar, lvl 54
Jynx, lvl 52
Pidgeot, lvl 52
Pokedex: 73, Badges: 12
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