The game starts up with you having to set the clock and wake up Professor Oak, who apparently has been running around Kanto for the past few days, trying to catch Fag-Bag in a battle so he can cheer on his grandson; however, since Fag-Bag's been running around like a lunatic, Old Man Oak is probably exhausted by the time he's supposed to start me off on my journey.
This is your player, called Ethan in the game canon, Jimmy in the anime canon. However, I'm not going to chose either of those names because they are stupid. If your name is Jimmy or Ethan...sorry, these are my feelings.
I'm getting to play this game today because Hurricane Sandy shut down my place of work, so I think I should honor this storm by naming my character after it in some way. I wanted to name him "Hurricane", but there's not enough space, so "Sandy" will have to do.
By the way, does anyone else find it odd that your mother in these games doesn't have a bedroom? Does she just live in the damn kitchen? Get it together, Japan.
So, let's head over to Professor Elm and get--
Professor Elm?
Who the fuck is this joker? This isn't the face of Pokemon research!
Now THIS is the face of Pokemon research! He's got his shit together. Look at him carrying books. He can carry books. Elm can't carry books. What the fuck is wrong with Elm? Screw it. I want a Pokemon. I'm just going to ignore the creepy red-head staring through a window outside the lab. There's no way he's going to impact the story in any major way.
Now, who to choose, who to choose...
Well, Charmander served me well in the last game, so I think I'm gonna stick with--
OH SHIT! THAT'S NOT A CHARMANDER! NONE OF THESE ARE CHARMANDER!
Okay...don't panic. You planned for this. You knew there would be changes. But which one to choose! Okay...let's look at this objectively, shall we? And why bother looking at the primary forms? We need to think for the long-term here:
Chikorita evolves into Meganium by level 32. At level 50, its base stats are as follows:
HP: 80, Attack: 82, Defense: 100, Sp. Attack: 83, Sp. Defense: 100, Speed: 80
Meganium is a fairly well-rounded, but the weakest of the three.
Cyndaquil evolves into Typhlosion by level 36. At level 50, its base stats are as follows:
HP: 78, Attack: 84, Defense: 78, Sp. Attack: 109, Sp. Defense: 85, Speed: 100
Typhlosion could be a speedy fire powerhouse, but he's a glass cannon.
Totodile evolves into Feraligatr by level 30. At level 50, its base stats are as follows:
HP: 85, Attack: 105, Defense: 100, Sp. Attack: 79, Sp. Defense: 83, Speed: 78
Feraligatr is the tank of the group, but he's slow and his attack strength is not with his type.
Hmm...this seems to be a decision too great for a mere mortal to decide, so I'm going to do this:
We're gonna let fate decide! I will pick up one d20 from my box of tabletop dice--
If you haven't assumed that I own a box of tabletop dice by, you're an oblivious dumb-ass. Let's move on.
I will pick up one d20 and cast it down according to the following chart, and whatever it lands on will be my starter:
1 - Choose any, catch a Pidgey, release starter, keep Pidgey
2 - Chikorita
3 - Cyndaquil
4 - Totodile
5 - Chikorita
6 - Cyndaquil
7 - Totodile
8 - Chikorita
9 - Cyndaquil
10 - Totodile
11 - Chikorita
12 - Cyndaquil
13 - Totodile
14 - Chikorita
15 - Cyndaquil
16 - Totodile
17 - Chikorita
18 - Cyndaquil
19 - Totodile
20 - Roll again, exclude 1, then roll to determine trade-in from Red Version
1 - Wigglytuff
2 - Mankey
3 - Raichu
4 - Nidoking
5 - Hitmonlee
6 - Snorlax
7 - Beedrill
8 - Dratini
9 - Seaking
10 - Growlithe
11 - Alakazam
12 - Scyther
13 - Marowak
14 - Vaporeon
15 - Charizard
16 - Moltres
17 - Articuno
18 - Zapdos
19 - Mewtwo
20 - Roll again, then roll from top list to determine trade-in from Gold Version
I believe strongly in punishing those that roll 1's and rewarding those that roll 20's, and these two lists can loop infinitely if I keep rolling 20's. After the 6th 20, however, I'd have to stop, since I'd have a full party (that I probably couldn't even use) and no more starters to trade into Silver. I was toying with the idea of playing through Yellow to get all those starters and trading them into Silver, but that would be time-consuming (as you only get them all once you hit Vermillion City, and that's a long ways away). If anything, I would play up until that point to trade in the Kanto starters, but only after I've beaten the Johto gym leaders and I'm about to move back into Kanto.
Alright...let's hope fate is on my side.
If I roll a one, I am going to fucking die.
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