I'm not a fan of the whole Pokemon egg thing. Why must I keep it in my party? It cannot help me, and when it hatches, that shit is gonna be weak as hell. Level 5? Suck my dick. I'd rather catch your mother out in the wild and make her my bitch.
But Elm's aid REALLY wants you to hold onto this, so...fuckin', alright.
I gave Mud-Slap to Dunsparce, or as I like to call him "Hate-Monger", because he SHOULD be a Ground-type and he SHOULD have a Ground-type attack. All he has is Rage and Defense Curl. C'mon, dude.
But who to give Flash to...
Well, if I had an Electric-type Pokemon, I'd be all for it.
SHEEP! I LOVE HIM! LOOK AT HIS WEE TAIL AND HIS WEE LITTLE FEET! Definitely wanted an Electric-type, so I gotta grab Mareep.
EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING CUTE HERE! He's Water AND Ground! He'll do splendidly against Brock and Blaine when I get back to Kanto, so Wooper is on the team.
Also, his name is Wooper. I bet you all he does all day is hop around going WOOP! Fucking adorable.
AWW! He looks so happy to see me! For some reason, I love Bug-type Pokemon, but fucking HATE real bugs.
UGH! NASTY LITTLE SHIT! YOU BETTER NOT TOUCH MY SKIN OR I'M GONNA LOSE MY MIND!
And because I wasn't in any particular rush to progress the game (since I didn't want to have to post too many hand-written pages at once), I decided to fuck around a bit and get that item that's been floating over my head in Dark Cave.
A potion. Fucking great. Can't go forward? Super. Looks like the game is telling me to get the fuck out. So be it.
Well I could check out the Ruins of Alph...fucking waste of my time.
Seriously. Unown is TERRIBLE. He's so terrible, the only reason people catch him is because of his fucking appearance gimmick. There's no good rational for catching him.
You all bore the shit out of me.
You don't, though! You're adorable and happy and YOUR MOVES ARE FUCKING TERRIBLE! However, you evolve into Jumpluff and you get all sorts of spore attacks, and if I want to catch legendary Pokemon, I'm gonna need some spore shit.
Oh...I've been walking for a long time. You know what that means.
I feel like he's my son. My weird-ass son with Metronome that could potentially make him explode.
Jesus Christ, I've been catching a lot of Pokemon. I'm already at 18, but it's because I'm thinking ahead to future gym battles, both Johto and Kanto. I guess that's what they were talking about when they said you gotta catch 'em all to be the best. Gives you better variety and a wider choice to make the best possible team for whatever you're trying to accomplish.
I finally understand now.
After I restock on Pokeballs, I head over to Union Cave...a.k.a. the Zubat Rape Dungeon.
Pro-Tip: Always carry Pokeballs. Fucking always. Why? Because I saw something that made me stop dead, catch it, and get rid of my already powerful Geodude.
Why get rid of my gender-confused female Geodude?
To make room for THIS badass right here! Shiny-ass gangsta up in this bitch! First shiny Pokemon I encountered and I gotta catch it! Aww, yeah! And he's male, so that whole Geodudette thing can end right here and now.
Union Cave...ugh. Why did it have to be caves?
Totodile, lvl 14
Geodude*, lvl 13
Pidgey, lvl 12
Wooper, lvl 12
Mareep, lvl 11
Togepi, lvl 10
Pokedex: 18, Badges: 1
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