Feraligatr...Ampharos...Magmar...Kadabra...Jynx...Pidgeot...
Come with me, the time is right. There's no better team. Arm in arm we'll win the fight; it's always been our dream.
Every challenge along the way with courage I will face. I will battle every day to claim my rightful place...
LANCE: Boy, I sure do love being Pokemon League Champion. Sweet hours, the respect, and all I had to do was wait until Fuck, I ran off into the mountains to train and I just inherit the position...like that pussy Falkner in Violet City--!
KOGA: Lance, we have a problem. That Sandy kid is back and he's...he's been knocking out our Pokemon with one hit apiece!
LANCE: What? How?! How did he get so strong so quickly?!
KOGA: Apparently he has been training in Silver Cave for the past few weeks or so nonstop.
LANCE: Why is it that everyone goes to Mount Silver to train? I mean, what the hell is in there? It's just Donphans, Gravelers, and Golbats--!
SANDY: Oh, don't mind me, ladies. You just take your time and finish your conversation. I'll wait.
LANCE: So, you think a few days in a cave will change anything? I am Lance, the Dragon Master! I've paid my dues and I've earned my title as Champion! You might have been able to take down the Elite Four, but I am an entirely different story! I accept your challenge, Sandy, and I will prove to you why they call me the greatest Champion the Indigo Plateau has ever seen!
ROUND ONE:
LANCE: Ah yes...Ampharos. A powerful foe, but he's no match for Gyarados' speed, and once he unleashes Hyper Beam, it'll be all over for--
(Ampharos used Thundershock. Gyarados has fainted.)
LANCE: Impossible! Thundershock only has a power rank of 40! How could it do that much damage in a single turn?!
SANDY: Aside from training in Silver Cave, I've been visiting some helpful new friends all around Johto. Monica and Sunny have been most generous with their type-enhancing items.
LANCE: Monica! She and her siblings have been meddling in the affairs of Pokemon trainers for far too long!
SANDY: Regardless, every one of my Pokemon is now wielding an item that dramatically boosts their type attacks, increasing stab-damage and the super-effectiveness of their attacks against your Dragon-types!
LANCE: That's a lot of meta-game information--
SANDY: Shut up and fight!
ROUND TWO:
LANCE: I can't afford to risk anything now! I knew it was a matter of time before you sent out Jynx, but I'm going to take it out and you'll be helpless--!
(Jynx used Ice Punch. Dragonite has fainted.)
LANCE: Grrr! You just don't give up do you?!
SANDY: Do I have to sing the song?
LANCE: I would prefer if you didn't.
ROUND THREE:
LANCE: An interesting choice, Sandy...playing to attack Charizard's Flying type as opposed to his Fire type, but it's foolish! Charizard is much faster than your Ampharos and will knock it out with it's powerful Flamethrower attack!
(Charizard used Flamethrower. It does 54 damage.)
LANCE: Uh oh...
(Ampharos used Thunderpunch. Charizard has fainted.)
LANCE: No! Charizard! Grr...
SANDY: Who's next, Lance?
ROUND FOUR:
LANCE: My last other Dragonite was not nearly as fast as this one, and now, your Jynx will meet its--
(Jynx used Ice Punch. Dragonite has fainted.)
LANCE: Come on! Why did I even bother spending so much time to evolve my Dragonairs if the Dragonites are just going to faint on one hit?!
SANDY: Your flaw is that Dragonair is a pure Dragon-type, so it takes double-damage from Ice-type attacks. When you evolved them, Dragonite adopted the Flying-type, so now it takes quadruple-damage from Ice-type attacks. Also, it probably wouldn't hurt if you didn't cheat.
LANCE: Excuse me?! How did I cheat?!
SANDY: At what level is your strongest Dragonite?
LANCE: Level fifty, why?
SANDY: Would you care to explain to me how that's possible, considering that Dragonair evolves into Dragonite at level 55?
LANCE: ...AERODACTYL, I CHOOSE YOU!
ROUND FIVE:
(Jynx used Ice Punch. Aerodactyl has fainted.)
LANCE: Oh, come ON! Let me at least say something before you knock out my Pokemon!
SANDY: I'm sorry...I thought we were having a Pokemon battle. I didn't know we were monologuing.
LANCE: I WILL END YOU!
ROUND SIX:
SANDY: Go ahead...I'll wait.
LANCE: I have nothing left to say. My Dragonite will do my talking for me!
SANDY: Are you sure?
LANCE: Yes, I'm sure!
SANDY: Okay then.
(Jynx used Ice Punch. Dragonite has fainted.)
LANCE: I...don't believe it. You really are strong.
SANDY: Now you know how big of a mistake it was to let me go so far and then crush my dreams of becoming Pokemon League Champion!
LANCE: Actually, I'm glad that I did.
SANDY: Wait...what?
LANCE: I knew from the moment I saw you battle Team Rocket in Mahogany Town that you had the potential to be the next Champion. Hell, I accepted it as an inevitability. But you were confident...very confident...over-confident. I needed to humble you for before you could unleash your true potential.
SANDY: You mean--?
LANCE: I could tell from your team that you chose Pokemon to specifically take out Pryce, and I figured you would do the same for Clair. When she called me to give me a heads up about an upcoming challenger, I knew it had to be you...but when she told me about the team you used, I guessed you would do the same for me and the Elite Four. You picked very good Pokemon to get the type-advantage, but you tried to accomplish the challenge with severely under-trained Pokemon, just like Fuck, I did. But Fuck, I was a very unique exception, since he already faced a humbling experience at the hands of a Kanto gym leader. You needed to experience the same before you face the challenge ahead of you...so I told the Elite Four to go easy on you so that you'd get all the way up to me and I could defeat you personally. I had to do it, but I'm glad you rose to the challenge. I'm proud to be succeeded by you as Champion.
SANDY: I...uh...thanks? But, what did you mean by "the challenge ahead of me"?
LANCE: There are eight gym leaders in Kanto, and I think you should challenge them as well. However, there is one among them who is as cruel as she is beautiful. She often defeated her challengers in very slow, drawn-out, and painfully humiliating ways, and this earned her a terrible reputation. She's even been known to kill challengers' Pokemon and end whole careers of experienced Pokemon trainers. She tried to do that to Fuck, I three years ago, but he came back with a vengeance and defeated her absolutely. But since then, instead of changing her ways, she's become even more cruel, hoping that her strength as a trainer would earn the respect and love of Fuck, I. She's insane and she must be stopped before she ends Pokemon training in Kanto as we know it.
SANDY: And you think I can take her?
LANCE: I know you can.
SANDY: But how will I know her when I see her?
LANCE: Trust me...you'll know.
The team that beat the Elite Four:
Feraligatr, lvl 52
Ampharos, lvl 51
Magmar, lvl 51
Jynx, lvl 51
Kadabra, lvl 50
Pidgeot, lvl 50
Pokedex: 70, Badges: 8
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