Wednesday, December 5, 2012

LIGHTNING ROUND, BITCHES!

I'm going to ask a few questions that had arisen in me from my first few encounters in Kanto:


1) Who the hell did they get to remove four stories of graves from the Pokemon Tower so they could build the Radio Tower? That seems both insensitive and morbid.  Who the shit authorized this? Where was Mr. Fuji on this whole matter?


2) Why does Vermillion City look no different architecturally, but different topographically? How the hell did Diglett's Cave move up and to the left? And why hasn't that guy with the Machop built his building yet? How has he not gotten funding for three years? Give that Machop a break!


3) They built the Magnet Train...over the Copycat's house?! It's like no one else in Saffron City was affected by the construction project, but they felt it was necessary to uplift a small family who've probably lived in that house all their lives? I am really not liking Kanto contractors.  They can completely refurbish a Power Plant without a clear road to get there, but they can't build a fucking train without destroying a home? Terrible.

I wanted to accomplish as much as I possibly could before taking on any of the gym leaders, so I ended up heading through Saffron City, through the Rock Tunnel in Lavender Town, over to the Power Plant to figure out what the hell is going on over there, over to Cerulean City to recover the Machine Part, then back to the Power Plant so the Magnet Train would run, then back to Saffron City to talk to the Copycat, then back to Vermillion City to recover the Clefairy doll that she lost that got picked up by the  guy in the Pokemon Fan Club house (who's president STILL has a massive boner for Rapidash), then BACK to Saffron City to give her the doll and receive her Magnet Train Pass that her family received from the transit authority that demolished their house.

I sure hope that they got more out of that arrangement, because that sounds like they got fucking shafted.

I realized that the wild Pokemon in Kanto are not leveled to my difficulty curve, so catching Pokemon became very difficult with battling, but very easy with the Level Ball.  However, there were two Pokemon that I had to catch in the Rock Tunnel:


Cute-ass little Cubone was the first, because who wouldn't? But why was Rock Tunnel significant for me?


Because both Cubones and Kangaskhans are found living in the Rock Tunnel, meaning THEY WERE MEANT TO BE IN THE SAME EVOLUTION CHAIN AND NINTENDO FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGES THIS BUT WON'T FIX THE GODDAMNED PROBLEM!

I'm noticing, though, that I'm blazing through Kanto like a motherfucker, so I think I'm going to lightning round this whole region.  I'm going to try to do two gym leader break-downs per blog entry.  Are you ready? NO YOU FUCKING AREN'T BUT HERE IT COMES ANYWAY!


Vermillion City Gym: Lt. Surge, the Garbage Can Collector

Seriously, he still has those things in the damned gym, but the switches are disabled, so you can just walk right up to him.  Why are they still there?

ROUND ONE:


Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 52     vs.     Lt. Surge's Raichu, lvl 44

I know what you're thinking: Water-type against Electric-type? What am I thinking?

Feraligatr knows Earthquake and he's faster than Surge's Pokemon.  This may be very boring for the readers, but I'm gonna go over exactly what happened because that's what I promised.

Earthquake takes out Raichu in one shot.

ROUND TWO:


Sandy's Magmar, lvl 52     vs.     Lt. Surge's Magneton, lvl 40

Okay, this isn't really fair.  Magneton now has a Steel type, so I can fuck him up with Magmar as well. Eh, I'll give this one to Magmar.

One Flamethrower.  One dead Magneton.

ROUND THREE:


Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 52     vs.     Lt. Surge's Electrode, lvl 40

Thank you, Lance.  You have single-handedly made the Kanto gym leaders look like pussies when they've seriously stepped up their games from Generation-I.

Earthquake.  Done.

ROUND FOUR:


Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 53     vs.     Lt. Surge's Electabuzz, lvl 46

Really, Lieutenant? Dude...you can't win this.

Earthquake.  You know what happens...

ROUND FIVE:


Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 53     vs.     Lt. Surge's Electrode, lvl 40

I JUST DID THIS! I JUST DID THIS EXACT FIGHT TWO ROUNDS AGO! But I have to hand it to Lt. Surge: he only repeated one Pokemon.  Every other Pokemon was from a different evolution line and I applaud him for his variety.

Too bad Feraligatr still knows Earthquake and it's still just as effective.

Thunderbadge gotten.  I could go to the Saffron Gym, but no...we need more time.


Celadon City Gym: Erika, the Bitch Who I'm Fairly Certain Smokes Pot

Seriously, this is one spacey bitch.  Heads up: I'm gonna call this gym battle break-down "The Magmar Show".

ROUND ONE:


Sandy's Magmar, lvl 53     vs.     Erika's Tangela, lvl 42

You ever see a car accident as it's about to happen? It's kind of like that here in Celadon.

Flamethrower burns the Tangela to the ground in one shot.

ROUND TWO:


Sandy's Magmar, lvl 53     vs.     Erika's Victreebell, lvl 46

This isn't going to be very different from the Tangela bonfire, I'll tell you that right now.

Flamethrower again.  One-hit K.O. again.

ROUND THREE:


Sandy's Magmar, lvl 54     vs.     Erika's Bellossom, lvl 46

Honestly, it's really boring to keep one-shotting these folks, but it's really flattering to see these gym leaders throwing out their champions before the end of the battle.  I can smell their fear...and it smells like a Cinnabon.

Flamethrower.  Get outta here, hula bitch.

ROUND FOUR:


Sandy's Jynx, lvl 52     vs.     Erika's Jumpluff, lvl 41

Jumpluff is Grass/Flying.  I decided to be swift with this one and go against it with Jynx, so Erika can see her defeat from a mile away and have the opportunity to just forfeit before Jumpluff gets injured.

Erika did not yield...but Jumpluff did after one swift Ice Punch.

I was a little pissed that I needed to go into the PC and bring out Weepinbell so I could Cut into the gym, but I was okay after giving it Giga Drain because I wasn't content with him as my strongest Grass-type Pokemon with his current stats.  Hopefully, I won't have to really bring him into any frays, but just in case, he's got Giga Drain.

I am 25% done with Kanto.  Let's do some research to see where I can go next.  Misty isn't in Cerulean yet, but I can check to see what's up in Fuschia City and Cinnabar Island.  Saffron City will wait as long as possible because...well...let's face it: you're really eager to see the rematch and I want to draw it out so y'all keep reading.  It's called "anticipation", and I'm going you all hard.

That...that sounded gross.

Feraligatr, lvl 55
Magmar, lvl 54
Ampharos, lvl 52
Jynx, lvl 52
Kadabra, lvl 51
Pidgeot, lvl 51

Pokedex: 72, Badges: 10

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