WOMAN: Hello again, Fuck, I.
SANDY: Wha--who said that?!
WOMAN: I've been waiting for you. Three years I've waited, but now...you've returned.
SANDY: ...Sabrina?
SABRINA: The years have not been kind to you, Fuck, I.
SANDY: My name is Sandy. Fuck, I hasn't been seen since he beat the Elite Four.
SABRINA: You are Fuck, I, and you've come for a rematch. Why else would you have come to my gym?
SANDY: I'm here for the Marshbadge. Also, what's with the little girl? She is creeping me the hell out. Oh...wait...I've got this photo that Lance gave me.
SANDY: Is that...is the little girl...you?
SABRINA: The loss I suffered at your hands split my psyche into two distinct personalities, and now, we run this gym together.
SANDY: Look, I'm really just here for the badge--
SABRINA: Fuck, I came for the Marshbadge. If that's what you want, then you must be him.
SANDY: Uhh...okay...I'm just going to turn around and walk out the door.
SABRINA: Oh, no you don't!
SABRINA: You and I have unfinished business, Fuck, I!
(Yeah...you knew this song was coming, didn't you?)
Saffron City Gym: Sabrina, the Raving Lunatic
ROUND ONE:
Sandy's Pidgeot, lvl 57 vs. Sabrina's Espeon, lvl 46
SANDY: If that's the way you want it, fine! Have at it!
(Pidgeot used Wing Attack. Espeon is down to 1/4 health.)
SABRINA: You'll not be able to knock my Pokemon out in a single shot, Fuck, I. Not any longer!
(Espeon used Sand-Attack.)
SANDY: Shake it off, Pidgeot! Take to the sky!
(Pidgeot flew up high.)
SABRINA: You can't run from the powers of a master telepath and her Psychic Pokemon! Espeon, destroy that bird!
(Espeon used Psychic. The attack missed.)
SANDY: Out of range, Sabrina. Now, Pidgeot! Bring down the hammer!
(Pidgeot used Fly. Espeon has fainted.)
SABRINA: Very good. I see you are no longer hiding behind your Scyther or your Zapdos. This shall be interesting indeed.
ROUND TWO:
Sandy's Magmar, lvl 57 vs. Sabrina's Mr. Mime, lvl 46
SABRINA: Your Magmar...knows Dynamicpunch...and Fire Blast. You fool; such pathetic accuracies for those attacks will leave you utterly at my mercy.
SANDY: I wouldn't be so sure!
(Magmar used Fire Blast. Mr. Mime has fainted.)
SABRINA: You are Fuck, I. Only he possesses that kind of power. But now, your end has come!
ROUND THREE:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 58 vs. Sabrina's Alakazam, lvl 48
SABRINA: Does my Alakazam look familiar to you, Fuck, I?
SANDY: Umm...no?
SABRINA: When last we met, he was but a Kadabra. However, the wounds your Zapdos inflicted on my Alakazam crippled him, forcing me to retire him from battling indefinitely. Now, me new Alakazam has come here to exact vengeance...for his brother.
SANDY: Just try, you crazy broad!
(Kadabra used Reflect.)
SABRINA: Smart, but not exactly original.
(Alakazam used Reflect.)
SANDY: You're planning on dragging this out, aren't you? Well, let's see what you've got!
(Kadabra used Shadow Ball. Alakazam has barely over half of his health left.)
SABRINA: Impressive! Your Kadabra knows a Ghost-type move, but it won't be enough to take down Alakazam.
(Alakazam used Psychic. Kadabra has 110/145 health.)
SANDY: You aren't going to survive this fight if all you are going to bring to the table is Psychic-type attacks. I have the clear advantage.
(Kadabra used Shadow Ball. Alakazam has nearly fainted.)
SABRINA: I have a few tricks up my sleeve, Fuck, I.
(Alakazam used Psychic. Kadabra has 79/145 health. Sabrina used Hyper Potion on Alakazam.)
SANDY: Interesting: getting the attack in and healing without having to waste your attack with Recover. However, now, you've left yourself wide open!
SABRINA: What?!
(Kadabra used Psychic. Alakazam has less than half health.)
SANDY: Your Alakazam's Special Defense has fallen, and now, I can take you down, even through the Reflect! Kadabra! End this!
(Kadabra used Shadow Ball. Alakazam has fainted.)
SABRINA: No...I've lost again...
SANDY: I'm not just some scrub trainer. I'm the Pokemon League Champion. And I've told you...my name is Sandy.
SABRINA: No...you are Fuck, I...but you have yet to realize how.
SANDY: What the hell are you talking about--just give me my Marshbadge, you weirdo.
(Sandy gets the fuck out of there.)
SANDY: "I'm Fuck, I...but I don't know how." What sort of nonsensical bullshit is that? Maybe I should investigate things in Pallet Town and see what's up.
Feraligatr, lvl 61
Ampharos, lvl 60
Jynx, lvl 59
Kadabra, lvl 58
Magmar, lvl 58
Pidgeot, lvl 58
Pokedex: 88, Badges: 16
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