It was such a shit revelation that the Pokeflute is now on the radio, so you can't use it in the middle of battle in order to wake up sleeping Pokemon. I avoided Snorlax because I thought I was going to get the Pokeflute, but nope...already had it while simultaneously not having it. Great.
Also, I would have LOVED to have had this guy earlier in the game...but nope. The best I got was Dunsparce. I regret now not giving Mud Slap to Pidgeot as opposed to giving it to Dunsparce. Now, I just have to settle for Sand-Attack. Then again, I don't have to risk knocking out a rare Pokemon by lowering its accuracy as well as inflicting damage uncontrollably. Regret recanted.
On the depressing side, there is now nothing worth while in Pewter City. No museum, no Pokemon Center outside of Mount Moon, barely a Mount Moon at all...just some old guy with a Rainbow Wing--
RAINBOW WING!
Soon...very soon.
In the meantime, though...
Pewter City Gym: Brock, Who Has Never Worn That V-Neck Sweater In The Anime
And for good reason, too. It looks terrible.
ROUND ONE:
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 52 vs. Brock's Graveler, lvl 41
You aren't so tough now that I can fight you with an Ice-type Pokemon, Brock. This is for all the times I've had to restart the game from the last save because of you when I was ten.
Ice Punch! Boom! Done! Next!
ROUND TWO:
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 42 vs. Brock's Omastar, lvl 42
Wait...where the hell did you get that? They've been dead for centuries. Wait...have you been robbing nerds in Mount Moon? YOU HAVE, HAVEN'T YOU?!?
Ice Punch takes Omastar down...to just about half health? Oh, I've got an actual battle on my hands! Hot damn! Way to bring your A-game, Brock.
Spike Cannon takes Jynx down to 123/143, which is definitely manageable.
A second Ice Punch brings Omastar down and the battle continues!
ROUND THREE:
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 53 vs. Brock's Onix, lvl 44
Ah...Onix. What strategy and patience was needed for Fuck, I's Pidgey to defeat this monster; Sand-Attacks timed during his Bides, Gusts and Quick Attacks in between...
Icy Wind really obliterates the whole challenge that once was and takes the snake down.
ROUND FOUR:
Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 56 vs. Brock's Kabutops, lvl 42
Seriously, I'm pretty sure you jacked that fossil nerd in Mount Moon, Brock. I'd bet money on that.
Since Ice Punch isn't going to bring down a Water/Rock Pokemon, I'll put my eggs in the Surf basket.
Good basket...good basket.
ROUND FIVE:
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 53 vs. Brock's Rhyhorn, lvl 41
Icy Wind worked really well against Onix, so I'm gonna wager that it's going to one-shot Rhyhorn.
Yep.
Boulderbadge is cool.
I guess I can check out Mount Moon, even though it's not--
Woah! Mr. Question Marks is here--
OH GODDAMN IT I SHOULD HAVE NAMED HIM MARK! GAHHH, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING CLEVER! SHIT!
Oh well...let's see what he brings to the table now. I'll break this down too because I can.
ROUND ONE:
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 53 vs. ???'s Sneasel, lvl 41
Okay...as you might be able to tell, I completely forgot I was going to run into him at Mount Moon and that he would start with a Sneasel. I've only got the level advantage here, but that should be enough to survive this. But just in case, I'm gonna bring back...
DATE RAPE!
Lovely Kiss puts Sneasel to sleep, takes an Ice Punch and an Icy Wind, then sleeps forever.
ROUND TWO:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 55 vs. ???'s Golbat, lvl 42
You, uh...you may want to give Janine a phone call about this.
Psychic...AND IT'S A KNOCK-OUT! It's too late in the game to be showing your Pokemon love and affection, dude...they hate you now and they will lose to spite you.
ROUND THREE:
Sandy's Magmar, lvl 55 vs. ???'s Magneton, lvl 41
You actually might have a better shot of winning this one if you pried apart the Magneton and came at me with three Magnemites simultaneously. Too bad you left your electro-magnetic crowbar back...in LOSERVILLE! OOOOOHHHHH!
Flamethrower. You're done.
ROUND FOUR:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 56 vs. ???'s Gengar, lvl 43
Okay dude...now you may want to call up Karen. If you call up Janine, she could get you in touch with her dad, who probably has Karen's number--
Whatever, I don't have time for this. Psychic death. Sorry...gotta be faster with those Ghost-type or Dark-type moves to take this guy out.
ROUND FIVE:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 56 vs. ???'s Alakazam, lvl 43
The first of three Kanto Alakazams that I must face: ???'s, Blue's, and Sabrina's. This will serve as a good judge of how well I'll do against them.
Say...???...after this battle...you wanna trade and trade-back my Kadabra? No? Well FUCK YOU, TOO!
Shadow Ball! Didn't expect a Ghost-type attack from a Kadabra, did you? Well...now, NONE OF US HAVE AN ALAKAZAM!
ROUND SIX:
Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 56 vs. ???'s Meganium, lvl 45
Ahh, the battle that's been weeks in the making. We last fought outside of Cherrygrove City, and now, we fight again.
Too bad I know an Ice-type attack, stupid. But oh, what is this? It doesn't even bring Meganium into the yellow. This could hurt a lot--
Razor Leaf MISSED?!?!? Ooh, child...I'm gonna fuck you up all kinds of ways now.
Ice Punch is a knock-out blow! Sorry, son...better luck next time!
Now, let's see here...I guess I have to head down to Cinnabar--
HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO VIRIDIAN FOREST?!?!? OH MY GOD ALL THE PIKACHUS!
I mean, I don't give two shits about the Weedles, but THE PIKACHUS!!!
Wait...why the hell haven't I encountered a Pikachu yet in this damned game? That's a little odd...
Okay, let's skip over Pallet Town for now and head straight on over to Cinnabar--
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! DUDE! SHIT FUCKING BLEW UP! WHERE THE HELL WAS THE VOLCANO THAT LEVELED THIS ISLAND?!?! I DIDN'T SEE THAT SHIT IN GENERATION-I!!!
Screw it; I'm on a roll and I'm not about to stop now. I'm gonna go visit that old dude in the Seafoam Cave.
Cinnabar Island Gym: Blaine, the Cave Hermit
Really, if the Cinnabar Gym is destroyed, does that mean that the Volcanobadge is the Seafoam Island badge now? Semantics!
ROUND ONE:
Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 57 vs. Blaine's Magcargo, lvl 45
Fire/Rock. I love that combo. Why?
Because I have a fuck-ton of power in Surf! Get outta here!
ROUND TWO:
Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 57 vs. Blaine's Magmar, lvl 45
I love me some Magmar. You've seen mine. I love mine. I'm not about to send one out against a Feraligatr that's twelve levels higher than me. That's just dumb.
Surf. K.O. Out.
ROUND THREE:
Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 58 vs. Blaine's Rapidash, lvl 50
Alright. I just learned Hydro Pump. Rapidash, get ready to--
It missed. Shit.
Fury Attack hits and brings Feraligatr down to 178/203.
Let's try that gain.
FUCKIN' REALLY?! Come on! I should have just sticked with Bite.
Oh ho! Fury Attack missed, too! Well, well, well...now, my friend, you cannot avoid it...
HYYYYYDROOOOO PUUUUUUUUUUMP! Knocked out so hard, Rapidash woke up in Generation-V.
Alright. There's only two gym leaders left in Kanto, and considering who they are, they may very well get their own entires to go over the breakdowns. And I saved them for last for a very specific reason:
Because it's fucking sweet and climactic and shit.
Feraligatr, lvl 59
Ampharos, lvl 58
Kadabra, lvl 56
Magmar, lvl 55
Jynx, lvl 54
Pidgeot, lvl 53
Pokedex: 75, Badges: 14
No comments:
Post a Comment