I've returned to Viridian City at the behest of a young gentleman I met on the smoldering wreckage that is Cinnabar Island. He said he would be waiting for me at the gym there, so I imagine this "Blue" fellow is the gym leader, so I'm going to challenge him for the Earthbadge.
BLUE: Yo! You finally got here, huh?
SANDY: Yeah, I had to go challenge Blaine for the Volcanobadge, but his gym was destroyed, so he relocated to the Seafoam Islands. You know, by that precedent, we could have just battled when we met.
BLUE: I wasn't in the mood at Cinnabar, but now I'm ready to battle you.
SANDY: You know, when I was getting all eight of the gym badges in Johto, Jasmine of Olivine City was off caring for a sick Ampharos, but that's understandable to leave your gym post to help maintain the Olivine Lighthouse. But what were you doing on Cinnabar--?
BLUE: You're telling me you conquered all the gyms in Johto? Heh! Johto's gyms must be pretty pathetic then.
SANDY: Well, Falkner is a disgrace, but...hey wait a goddamned minute!
BLUE: Hey, don't worry about it.
SANDY: Dude! I'll have you know that I've also won six badges from the other Kanto gym leaders, and they weren't exactly push-overs.
BLUE: I'll know if you are good or not by battling you right now.
SANDY: I am the Pokemon League Champion, you big bag of as--
SANDY: Holy shit! You're Ass-Bag Oak! Grandson of Professor Samuel Oak, former Pokemon League Champion, and one of only three people to defeat Lance in battle--
ASS-BAG: What was your first clue, numb-nuts?
SANDY: Well, the whole you-being-a-tremendous-asshole thing was a big flag in that direction.
ASS-BAG: So, you beat Lance. Big deal...he inherited the title of Champion. If you want to call yourself the true champion of the Pokemon League, you better be able to take down the two trainers who actually earned it...and seeing as how Fuck, I ran off into the mountains somewhere to train, you'll have to settle for me.
SANDY: There can be only one!
Viridian City Gym: Ass-Bag, the One and Only
ROUND ONE:
Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 58 vs. Ass-Bag's Pidgeot, lvl 56
ASS-BAG: An Ampharos? Smart type choice, but ultimately, Pidgeot will come up on top because of his superior speed!
(Pidgeot used Quick Attack. Ampharos has 178/202 health left)
SANDY: Ampharos...Thunder.
ASS-BAG: Thunder? That move has such terrible accuracy! It will probably never--
(Ampharos used Thunder. Pidgeot has fainted.)
ASS-BAG: Well...okay then. Let's see how Ampharos handles my Rhydon!
ROUND TWO:
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 54 vs. Ass-Bag's Rhydon, lvl 56
ASS-BAG: Smart move, switching out your Ampharos. I knew he wouldn't have been able to handle it. But your Jynx is a lower level than Rhydon; how did you expect to--
(Jynx used Ice Punch. Rhydon has fainted.)
ASS-BAG: Okay, you got spunk. I hope you brought a varied team with you, because unlike the other gym leaders, I don't restrict myself to a single type!
SANDY: My team is the one that beat the Elite Four. Bring it.
ROUND THREE:
Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 59 vs. Ass-Bag's Arcanine, lvl 58
Ass-BAG: Hey, that Feraligatr reminds me of my Blastoise. Lucky for you, I've retired him from battling. Strong guy like that earned his stripes and now I put him out to stud. But your sad little gator probably doesn't even know Hydro Pump yet--
(Feraligatr used Hydro Pump. Arcanine has fainted.)
Ass-BAG: ...well, I'd bet my ass you couldn't do that again!
SANDY: I don't have to.
ROUND FOUR:
Sandy's Magmar, lvl 55 vs. Ass-Bag's Exeggutor, lvl 58
SANDY: Heh...heh heh heh...
ASS-BAG: What's so funny?
SANDY: Oh, nothing...your Exeggutor just reminds me of Will's Exeggutor.
ASS-BAG: And why is that funny?
(Magmar used Flamethrower. It's a critical hit. Exeggutor has fainted.)
SANDY: That's why.
ROUND FIVE:
Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 58 vs. Ass-Bag's Gyarados, lvl 58
Ass-BAG: Shit! I forgot he had that Ampharos!
(Ampharos used Thunderpunch. Gyarados has fainted.)
SANDY: It looks like you're getting nervous, Fag-Bag. Is there something wrong? Maybe it's that you're on your last Pokemon--
ASS-BAG: Hey...shut up! I doubt you have something to take out my last Pokemon!
ROUND SIX:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 56 vs. Ass-Bag's Alakazam, lvl 54
ASS-BAG: Okay...I don't get it.
SANDY: You'll see.
(Kadabra used Shadow Ball. Alakazam suffers considerable damage.)
ASS-BAG: Oh shit! Protect yourself against his next attack!
(Alakazam used Reflect.)
SANDY: Good...but not enough.
(Kadabra used Shadow Ball. Alakazam has fainted.)
ASS-BAG: What? How the heck did I lose to you?
SANDY: Earthbadge, please?
ASS-BAG: Tch...alright. Here, take this--it's the Earthbadge.
SANDY: Now admit my superiority.
ASS-BAG: Alright, I was wrong. You're the real deal. You are a good trainer, but I'm going to beat you someday. Don't you forget it!
SANDY: I'll be waiting, Fag-Bag. I'll take any challenge you want to throw my way, but now...I have some unfinished business in Saffron City...
Feraligatr, lvl 59
Ampharos, lvl 59
Kadabra, lvl 56
Magmar, lvl 55
Jynx, lvl 55
Pidgeot, lvl 53
Pokedex: 75, Badges: 15
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