After successfully defeating the Elite Four and capturing the elusive Mewtwo, Kevin Little embarks on a brand new journey through the Johto region of the Pokemon world, leaving all he had behind for the sake of comedy and adventure!
Okay...here's where I believe I went wrong with the whole Elite Four debacle:
1) Poor Inventory Control
I walked in there not having any idea of how many Max Potions, Full Restores, Elixirs and Revives I had in my inventory. If I had had that knowledge, I would have had Kadabra for many more fights and I feel he could have been very helpful. Not only that, but when a Pokemon with a clear advantage over the current opponent faints, say with Aerodactyl, you need someone to take the hits while you revive and heal the guy who could take him out.
2) Too Slow
One of the biggest issues I was facing throughout was that I was not getting the first attack in these battles, so I was getting hit hard and quickly. Then, if I had to use an item, I got hit twice in a row. Part of this is due to the fact that I walked in there with lower-leveled Pokemon, but another part of this is that I did not encounter as many Carbos laying around as I had in Red Version, and therefore, I did not increase my Pokemon's Speed stats as highly as I should have.
3) Banking On Legendaries
Okay...honestly...these two right here: Lugia and Entei.
Depending on these guys wasn't too bad at times, but in the end, they were very disappointing.
First off, he's got no moves. Yes, he's leveled up high, but nearly every legendary Pokemon's initial move set when you catch them is abysmal. Zapdos' only saving grace was Drill Peck, but even then, I had to teach every legendary bird at least two machine moves to make them even worth using. Lugia is no different. Aeroblast is great, but without a PP Up, it's not very practical. Gust is what they gave Pidgeys starting off back in Kanto, so I'm not impressed. Safeguard was okay, and Recover was helpful, but he's a Psychic/Flying type with zero Psychic moves starting off and that's shit. Why keep him on the team if he doesn't contribute Psychic-type attacks, but adds another Psychic-type weakness that we have to deal with? He was the THIRD Psychic-type on my team! Kadabra and Jynx were pushing it enough when it came time for Karen, but honestly, I'd have a better chance with a straight-up Normal/Flying type. That way, when it comes to Gengar, I'd wait until he used Curse, then swap out the Pokemon he cursed for the Normal-type. He wouldn't be able to do shit!
Pidgeotto has been there since Falkner and I think it's time I gave him some well-deserved recognition. Never underestimate the power of Sand-Attack in massive quantities. Let him grow to be a Pidgeot and we'll have some serious speed on our side.
Besides...I...kind of feel guilty whenever I see anything in the Pidgey family now. Don't know why? Read the other blog, stupid!
Now...this disappointing prick turned out to be a shit-sandwich in the awesome Poke-buffet I laid out for the Elite Four. He knew Ember, Leer, Roar, and Fire Spin. These moves are not meant to do damage. These moves are meant to aggravate your opponent into submission. I had to teach him Hidden Power and Rock Smash to give him even the slightest bit of maneuverability before he learned Stomp, and even then he's still pretty shitty. Yes, he's fast, but fast isn't anything if it can't pack a punch with that speed.
I had it right all along with Magmar and I threw it away because I didn't want to take the time to train it up to level 40. Fire Punch, Dynamicpunch, Ember (soon to be Flamethrower), and Sunny Day? Please! If I brought this bad boy out into the fray, he'd be burning bitches alive. You are replacing Entei in my roster for the foreseeable future.
4) I Rushed Into This
I'll say it: I needed to level them higher. The system was kind of broken when I first went up against the Elite Four and moves seemed to do more power back then, but then again, we weren't dealing with Psychic-types or Dark-types in the Elite Four. The worst you had was Dragon-types and I destroyed Lance's entire team with Articuno. But take a look at my roster back then:
Zapdos, Lvl 57 (Electric/Flying)
Articuno, Lvl 52 (Ice/Flying)
Alakazam, Lvl 51 (Psychic)
Charizard, Lvl 50 (Fire/Flying)
Moltres, Lvl 50 (Fire/Flying)
Vaporeon, Lvl 50 (Water)
I may have leaned heavily towards secondary Flying-types, but even Vaporeon was ten whole levels higher than the majority of my team. Yes, the differential was the same, since Fag-Bag's and Lance's final Pokemon were at levels 65 and 50 respectively, and I would never be lower than 15 levels from my opponent...but there's a lot more to factor in now and mere type-advantage doesn't go as far, since many Pokemon are now picking up moves against their type to give them more versatility. I have to take the time and level this team up properly, at LEAST to level 50 (or level 60 if I want to fully declare a fatwa against Lance) so that the stats will go up high enough to stand even some type-strong attacks from albeit weaker Pokemon.
5) Conserving Power Moves
This one's a little nit-picky, but I feel like I should have used more powerful moves when I had the chance. If I had the type-advantage with a glass cannon like Kadabra, I should have used Psychic as opposed to Psybeam to take out that Muk. It would have killed it in one shot and I could have used Ethers later to replenish the PP.
I think that's the summation of it all. I'm sticking with that original team (save for the substitutions discussed) and I'll be training them heavily for a while, so you may not hear as much from me. In the meanwhile, you could check out my other blog entitled "Wiggle Wiggle Break: An Iridescent Adventure" where I catalog my adventures through a tabletop RPG set eight years after the events of Pokemon Black 2 and White 2.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
...I do believe it's Tuesday, and there is a contest happening of which I would like to be a part.
There they are: the Elite Four and their champion, Lance. The time has come to fight them all.
Because let's face it...you may THINK you're fighting five individual battles, but in the end, you're really just fighting one really tough team with very minimal break time.
They have 26 Pokemon, all above level 40. I have 6, all level 40 or above. Even with that considered, it's basically a 4-on-1 match.
LUCKY NED PEPPER: You think four on one's a dogfall?!
SANDY: Dude...shut up. Nobody even gets this reference.
LUCKY NED PEPPER: But they had to have seen the Coen brothers' version--
SANDY: You weren't in the Coen brothers' version, Robert Duvall! Jesus...get your shit together.
LUCKY NED PEPPER: I was just saying--
SANDY: Shut the fuck up! I'm getting sidetracked!
Anyhoo, instead of five separate battle breakdowns, I'm going to do one big one and streamline the process. Hope you all enjoy!
HAJIME!!!!!!!!
(That's Japanese for "begin")
ROUND ONE:
Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 40 vs. Will's Xatu, lvl 40
Ampharos has the Quick Claw, so he should be able to--
Xatu used Confuse Ray? Shit! That's the one way to fuck my day up.
And of course, the big dumb goat hurts itself. I'm sorry, did I not make it clear that this was the Elite Four? Did I not explain that you were gonna be in the vanguard, Ampharos? DUDE! Chips are down!
Psychic hits pretty hard and Ampharos is down to 78/138, but a swift and focused Thunderpunch takes Xatu out of the equation in one shot.
ROUND TWO:
Sandy's Entei, lvl 40 vs. Will's Jynx, lvl 41
This thing could really fuck up my shit, since I know Jynx's capabilities firsthand and I haven't gotten much of a chance to train Entei to be a monster. Let's hope he's got some kick.
Start with a Fire Spin to keep the pain on Jynx.
Doubleslap missed! Great! Now burn this bitch into the ground with Ember!
It just does over half of its total health in damage...God, I remember now how much I hated Ember when my Charizard had it in lieu of Flamethrower.
One more Ember takes Jynx down, but he's taking too damn long to get the job done. I really wish I had Magmar with me...
ROUND THREE:
Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 40 vs. Will's Slowbro, lvl 41
Alright...you HAVE to be faster than Slowbro. HE'S SLOW!
Thunderpunch! D'oh...deep red, but not a knock-out.
Amnesia? You use Amnesia to boost your Special Defense now? Oh...so you're THAT kind of slow...
Thundershock. K.O. Next?
ROUND FOUR:
Sandy's Lugia, lvl 41 vs. Will's Exeggutor, lvl 41
This should be an easy fight. Grass versus Flying, Psychic versus Psychic. You're done, palm-boy.
Lugia, no need to waste an Aeroblast on him. Fly up.
Reflect...smart choice, Exeggutor.
Fly! Shit! Really good choice, Exeggutor...you're still in the green.
Egg Bomb. 124/150. Okay, not bad, but I'm not wasting any more time.
Aeroblast. SHIT! Still not out?! Deep red...I can work with that...
Egg Bomb again. Down to 101/150.
Gust! Safe bet, takes him out. Down to Will's last Pokemon.
ROUND FIVE:
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 40 vs. Will's Xatu, lvl 42
Jynx is oddly fast, and I remember that Flying-types are also weak against Ice.
Ice Punch. Shit, a one-hit K.O.?! Jynx is quickly becoming my favorite Pokemon in this roster.
Will has been defeated, but the game is far from over. Nobody's hurt too badly, so let's just move on.
ROUND SIX:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 40 vs. Koga's Ariados, lvl 40
Kadabra's fast and powerful, so he's gonna kick some major ass against Koga.
Psybeam. You're done. BOOM! Next?
ROUND SEVEN:
Sandy's Entei, lvl 40 vs. Koga's Forretress, lvl 43
You have a Bug/Steel type. Neither of those are Poison. Both of them are weak to Fire.
Ember. One-hit K.O. What did we learn today, Koga?
ROUND EIGHT:
Sandy's Kadabra, lvl 40 vs. Koga's Muk, lvl 42
I remember this Muk. Pain in the ass Muk using Minimize all the damn time. Well, fuck you, dude!
Psybeam! Wait...that only took him down into the yellow? This can't be good. Kadabra's a glass cannon.
Sludge Bomb. Okay. Not bad--
Woah. Woah! WOAH! WOOAAAAHHH!
FUCKING FUCKS! A ONE-HIT K.O.?!?! I NEEDED KADABRA!
Shit...what's good against Poison that I still have in my party?
ROUND NINE:
Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 40 vs. Koga's Muk, lvl 42
So, the answer to that question was "nothing". Lugia doesn't have any Psychic-type moves yet, so he's basically a really powerful Normal/Flying Pokemon with all the type shit for Psychic-types.
Thunderpunch...give it a shot.
MUK! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!?! YOU HAVE ONE HP! WHY BOTHER LIVING?!?!
Toxic. Shit, this Muk is a bitch! I'm down to 78/138.
Thundershock ends Muk's reign of terror. Fortunately for me, though, the only things Koga has left are Flying-types as well as Poison-types, so Ampharos is my main guy for the rest of this elitist.
ROUND TEN:
Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 40 vs. Koga's Venomoth, lvl 40
Venomoth gets the first move, and really could have fucked me up with Supersonic, but that fortunately failed! Dumb moth...
Thanks to the Quick Claw, Ampharos got to Thunderpunch this little bitch twice, so he went down like a sack of shit. Now...for the real challenge.
ROUND ELEVEN:
Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 41 vs. Koga's Crobat, lvl 44
This will certainly be interesting...
Double-Team. Okay, that may make things more difficult.
Thunderpunch...MISSES?!?! DAMN YOU, AMPHAROS! Ugh, he can't take a direct hit from that Crobat...I guess I have no choice...
Full Restore on Ampharos. Okay, this should buy us some time.
Crobat got two Wing Attacks from that little stunt and now I'm down to 105/141.
Thunderpunch finally hits and puts Crobat into the red, but...
Koga used Full Restore on Crobat. You're right, Koga...that IS a bitch move. I understand why you did it, but it's still a bitch move. We're both guilty. Move on.
Thunderwave. Slow your ass down, Crobat. Now, take this Thunderpunch and go right back into red health.
OH! FULLY PARALYZED! FUCK YOU! THUNDERSHOCK UP YOUR ASSHOLE!
You have hindered me, Koga, but you have not destroyed my spirit--
FUCK I DIDN'T BRING ANY REVIVES WITH ME?!?!? KADABRA'S OUT FOR GOOD?!?! SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.
Well, I still have Lugia for Bruno. Let's bring it on.
ROUND TWELVE:
Sandy's Lugia, lvl 41 vs. Bruno's Hitmontop, lvl 42
I am not taking any chances now that Kadabra is out of the game. Gotta hit these guys hard and fast.
Aeroblast. One-shot knockout. Next?
ROUND THIRTEEN:
Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 40 vs. Bruno's Onix, lvl 43
The NPC trainers are learning. Bruno knew that Onix as a Rock/Ground would have a very good chance against Lugia, but he didn't count on me switching him out for Feraligatr.
Surf. Faint. Next.
ROUND FOURTEEN:
Sandy's Lugia, lvl 41 vs. Bruno's Hitmonchan, lvl 42
Back in the saddle again. Aeroblast. Faint. FUCKING ALPHA!
ROUND FIFTEEN:
Sandy's Lugia, lvl 41 vs. Bruno's Machamp, lvl 46
Aeroblast him into oblivion, Lugia!
Uh oh...deep red, but no knockout.
Rock Slide! OH SHIT! Lugia's down to 44/150 health. I forgot he might have Rock-type moves. Clever girl...
Bruno used a Max Potion on Machamp? Well, let's try it this way then, shit-head.
Gust takes about 1/4 of the health away, but the real weight of the attack is on Fly.
Your ass can't hit me with Rock Slide way up here, dipshit!
Fly! Critical hit and a knockout! Only got one left, Bruno, and I've taken down his brothers.
ROUND SIXTEEN:
Sandy's Lugia, lvl 42 vs. Bruno's HItmonlee, lvl 42
Knock knock. Who's there? Aeroblast. Aeroblast who? AEROBLAST YOU IN THE FUCKING MOUTH!
Bruno is done...but now, the ringer is up next and I don't have anything good against Dark. Maybe I should have brought Heracross into the fray. I've got a little bit of time, though, so Lugia's getting some medical treatment. A Max Potion and an Ether for Aeroblast should put him well enough to face Karen if need be.
ROUND SEVENTEEN:
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 40 vs. Karen's Umbreon, lvl 42
I know what you're thinking, and yes, I acknowledge that Jynx is in a terribly weak position, seeing as how Psychic is weak to Dark, but you forget one thing:
Date Rape!
Lovely Kiss, bitch! Sleep it off!
Ice Punch and an Icy Wind puts Umbreon down to half health before it even wakes up.
But then it does...and its Sand-Attack fails. Good show, Umbreon.
Lovely Kiss! Again!
Two Ice Punches and Umbreon is out! I am liking this system way more than I should be.
ROUND EIGHTEEN:
Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 40 vs. Karen's Houndoom, lvl 47
I figured you'd send out Houndoom, since you're all thinking now up here in the Indigo Plateau. That's why I have Feraligatr...to fuck you.
Crunch? What the fuck is Crunch? Oh shit, Crunch is good! Down to 74/139.
Surf's up, though, which means I'm going to drown you slowly and roll around a bit as I tear bits of flesh from your body. That's called a death-roll in crocodile talk, and you are now unconscious.
ROUND NINETEEN:
Sandy's Entei, lvl 40 vs. Karen's Vileplume, lvl 42
Not a Dark-type at all, but fuck it, I don't care at this point.
Ember take Vileplume down to a little over half health.
Stun Spore has no effect! Fuck you!
Ember again! Now it's down to a third of its total health.
Stun Spore has no effect! Again! Fuck you! Again!
Third Ember's a charm. Now you're done. Go home, Vileplume. You're drunk.
ROUND TWENTY:
Sandy's Lugia, lvl 42 vs. Karen's Gengar, lvl 45
This Gengar is a monster. Lick will paralyze you, Spite will cripple you, Destiny Bond will fuck you, and Curse will fuck you slower and with less lube.
Spite? You lead with Spite? I haven't even done anything yet. Should have used Lick, dude...
Aeroblast...MISSED?!?!?! Lugia...come on. Come the fuck on. Talk to Ampharos; he has something to tell you.
Lick. There you go. Not a lot of damage; I'm down to 141/154 and that's a lot better than it could be.
Aeroblast sends Gengar into the yellow, but I sense something foul coming up--
Spite. There it is. No more Aeroblast, I guess. I won't really need it; it won't do shit against Lance's all-Flying team of dragons, so congratulations, Gengar...you have stopped nothing!
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 41 vs. Lance's Charizard, lvl 46
That's it. I don't care how much I love Charizard...if you take down my starter, I want you dead.
Lovely Kiss. Go to sleep.
Ice Punch, Icy Wind, then Icy Wind. The frosty finger of death extends to thee, Charizard. Bring on the next foe. Since Lance would not be likely to send out any of his Dragonites, since they would be double weak to Ice-type attacks, he could only possibly send out...
ROUND TWENTY-SEVEN:
Sandy's Jynx, lvl 41 vs. Lance's Aerodactyl, lvl 46
Aerodactyl tried using Rock Slide, but it missed! Thank God! Now all I need to do is set the stage for--
LOVELY KISS HAS NO EFFECT ON AERODACTYL?!?!?!?!?!?
Rock Slide knocks out Jynx. Oh, no...oh, no, no, no!
ROUND TWENTY-EIGHT:
Sandy's Lugia, lvl 42 vs. Lance's Aerodactyl, lvl 46
I'm in my death-throws right here. We're both Flying-types, he's got the Rock-type attack, and I have nothing but Flying-type attacks. This is going to end very poorly...
Rock Slide take me down to 70/154.
Fly up! Delay this as long as possible and evade the incoming Rock Slide!
Fly hits, but, as I thought, it's weak as hell.
Rock Slide hits again and now I have four health points. FOUR.
Recover! FUCKING RECOVER!
HA! Rock Slide missed!
RECOVER AGAIN! Booyah! Full health! But I need the big guns for this fight, so...
Lugia's getting the Max Elixer to recharge all move power-points.
Rock Slide hits and takes me down to 83/154.
Now, to unleash Aeroblast--
Rock Slide hits first and takes me down to 13/154. That's fine. I survived, but now, I can--
Lugia flinched.
ARE.
YOU.
FUCKING.
SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!
You know how this battle ends already, don't you?
ROUND TWENTY-NINE:
Sandy's Entei, lvl 41 vs. Lance's Aerodactyl, lvl 46
And, of course, Aerodactyl hits first with (you guessed it!) Rock Slide. Entei is down to 21/156.
Alright...time to use the secret weapon.
HIDDEN POWER!
I have no FUCKING idea how this move is supposed to work, but I've discovered that it's super-effective against Flying-type Pokemon. I'm guessing it's an Electric-type attack, since it was super-effective against a Doduo and a Golbat, but not very effective against an Onix. Either way, it's super-effective against Aerodactyl and takes him down to less than half health.
You know, with a little luck, I could probably--
Aaaaaaaaand...Aerodactyl used Ancient Power and Entei fainted.
Wait...Entei fainted? That means...
If anyone has ever doubted if I am legitimately going through these games and reporting exactly what happens, if they suspected if my victories were embellished and my losses were covered up, let this be the proof that I am not invincible. Most of the time, I win. Sometimes, however, I am defeated.
However, if there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I don't like losing.
More importantly, I don't like being "humbled".
So I'm going to announce it officially, here and now:
Lance! I swear, by the blood shed hereupon this day, I shall destroy you. I shall crush everything you have ever loved! Fag-Bag beat you once. Fuck, I beat you once. Yet, you still call yourself champion? Had Fuck, I not retreated to Mount Silver, you would have still been a mere member of the Elite Four, and the title of champion would be but a distant dream for you!
When next we meet, you shall be humbled before me...
...this, I swear.
...just ignore the Spanish song subtitles.
Focus on the vow I'm taking...the vow to humble you.
