Okay, here's a little confession: I hate perpetual movement puzzles as much as I hate teleportation puzzles. You know the ones I'm talking about. You either hit some device with arrows on it or you walk on ice and you are obligated by the broken-ass laws of physics to move in that one direction until you hit a fucking rock wall.
Well, the Ice Path is full of that shit, along with Pokemon I need to catch, but I'm bringing some extra artillery with me...
Sheepy is done fucking around. Now he's more of an electric llama...giraffe...llama? What is this thing? I don't care, it knows Thunder Punch and that shit is nice.
I know that Dragon-types are weak against Ice-type attacks, and I'm thinking ahead into later generations and saying, "Oh, a Mamoswine would be cool!" Unfortunately, I can't manage that shit until MUCH later, and only after I've beaten the appropriate preceding generations.
I've never been so happy to see a wild Golbat before in my life. It's all about the Crobat, and now I can release my shitty little Zubat from the power-outage and I can move on with my life. He will only evolve with a high friendship rating, so I may end up being very nice to this asshole.
Hold the fucking phone...you can get JYNX in this game?!?!?!? IN THE WILD?!?!? Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, son! I want one of them! She gonna have all kinds of Ice-type attacks to fuck up Clair's Pokemon and I'm gonna use that to my advantage. So far, I've gotten Jynx and Farfetch'd from the wild; if I can find a wild Lickitung and a wild Mr. Mime, I'll have completed the trade-only Pokemon set. Also, I only need and Electabuzz and I'll have caught the top-four version-exclusive Pokemon from Generation-I...and that also means that I can breed an Elekid, which would be awesome.
Now, how was I able to catch all these Pokemon (especially Jynx, who was a twat and a half to catch)?
Blackthorn City is what I like to call the Fly-to-Buy city. What does that mean?
THEY SELL MOTHERFUCKING ULTRA BALLS! I WENT THROUGH THE ENTIRE GAME AND NOW I CAN FINALLY BUY FUCKING ULTRA BALLS! Legendaries, hard-asses: you ain't got SHIT on me now!
Oh...
Oh fuck, I have to clear out the Radio Tower! I completely forgot about that shit. Hold on, do I have Pokemon that can beat the shit out of Ratattas, Raticates, Ekanses, Arboks, Koffings, Weezings, Zubats, Golbats, and the occasional Gloom?
Yes? I do? Good.
By the way, the whole reason why Team Rocket took over this tower is to announce to the world that Team Rocket is back, hoping to inspire Giovanni to return. That's fucking dumb. They could have just scheduled an interview. Apparently, three years isn't enough time to develop a strong enough Plan A, so they have to just jump down to Plan F from the start.
Also, that's the time spacing from Generation-I: three years. So, my joke about Professor Oak spending an all-nighter trying to fix the Pokedex doesn't work as well in the grand scheme of things, but I'd still like to imagine he had no idea about the Pokemon numbered 152 through 250...even though Ash saw one of them in Episode 1 of the anime.
Oak...you gotta get your shit together.
Not gonna lie...the Radio Tower shit took shorter than expected. Walk up the tower, fight the "Director", go down the tower, go in the tunnel, find the real Director, open the Card Key door, fight the executives, save the day, get the Silver Wing, go back to Blackthorn--
THE SILVER WING!
Oh, you bet your sweet ass I'm heading over to the Whirl Islands!
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...shit, where do I go? WHERE THE FUCK DO I GO?!?!?!
To make a long story short, I explored every fucking island and couldn't find shit, so I consulted an online walkthrough. Apparently, there's a little fucking cave that you can barely see unless you have a high-powered LED light source DIRECTLY on your fucking screen, a cave that I had literally walked by because I couldn't see the opening for it, and THAT'S where you're supposed to go.
It was fucking harrowing getting back there, laborious to fight the son of a bitch, and damn-near impossible to catch him...
But it happened, and I now possess the mascot for Pokemon Silver. Hell, this guy got the spotlight in the second Pokemon movie, and that's cool by my standards. Also, he's a cunt-destroyer.
Now comes the grinding, because Clair is not going to be fucking pushover. She is Lance's cousin. She ain't gonna pull a Falkner on me; shit's gonna get real.
You dishonor us all, Falkner...the shame is so great, it's almost unfathomable. It is without fathom.
Lugia, lvl 40
Feraligatr, lvl 36
Kadabra, lvl 34
Ampharos, lvl 33
Heracross, lvl 31
Jynx, lvl 22
Pokedex: 58, Badges: 7
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