Team Rocket, Fuckin'...Seriously?!?

Do you remember when you used to hear this and you immediately understood that shit got real?

Shit does not get real anymore for Team Rocket.  I have only dealt with them a few times, considerably less times than I had in Kanto, and I've noticed some seriously troubling declines in their evilness.  Here's a comparison:

First Kanto Encounter:  Team Rocket is excavating Mount Moon in order to secure two fossils of extinct Pokemon that they intend to resurrect and use to help them take over the world.

First Johto Encounter:  A couple of assholes are in a well cutting of Slowpokes' tails and trying to sell them as an energy supplement or some shit.

That is a SERIOUS fucking step down, Team Rocket.  There's a lot of other ways to make money besides poaching, and if you're gonna poach Pokemon or abuse them to make a quick buck, do it right.  Cut off a Slowbro's tail and sell people rare "spiral Shellders".  Force-feed a bunch of Miltanks berries and vitamins to make mass-produced Moo-Moo Milk.  Take Weezings, Dugtrios, and Magnetons, split up their bodies back into Koffings, Digletts, and Magnemites, train them up until they evolve, and repeat in order to create an unending supply of discount "starter" Pokemon for new up-and-coming trainers.  ANYTHING BESIDES THIS SHIT! Unless this is a plan to mass-produce Slokings, you have no business in that well.

Second Kanto Encounter:  Team Rocket is running the Celadon Game Corner in order to fund their organization by feeding off the gambling addictions of the citizens of the metropolis, reducing many to poverty.  Furthermore, Team Rocket steals the Silph Scope from Silph Co. in order to identify the Ghost-type Pokemon of Lavender Town's Pokemon Tower and carry on with their business of stealing Cubone skulls, during which operation they take Mr. Fuji hostage and KILL a Marowak.

Second Johto Encounter:  A bunch of guys underneath some dude's makeshift Pokemart using Electrodes to send radio waves out to the Lake of Rage in order to cause all the Magikarp there to evolve.

Now THERE'S an idea! No more just using Rattatas, Raticates, Koffings, Weezings, Ekanses, Arboks, and the occasional Grimers and Muks.  You have come up with a way to emotionally damage Magikarps enough to get them to evolve en masse into one of the fiercest Pokemon in all the world!

But...nobody's catching any of them.  The worst that's happening is some dudes in a toll booth taking your money if you want to go up there and check out what the fuck is happening.

Giovanni has no idea what the fuck you idiots are doing, and neither do I.

Third Kanto Encounter:  Team Rocket takes over a major Pokemon technical corporation and attempts to steal a one-of-a-kind prototype that would allow them to capture any Pokemon in the world... specifically, the failed genetic experiment Mewtwo, the attempt by Team Rocket to clone Mew, the rarest of all Pokemon (at that time).

Third Johto Encounter:  They've taken over the Goldenrod City Radio Tower in order to try to get a message out to Giovanni.

Let me guess: you're calling him to tell him how awesome you're all doing, but you'd really like him back so that Team Rocket can keep up the "progress"? Don't be surprised if you get his voicemail.

I'm gonna explain this to you real clearly: Giovanni quit.  I beat his ass so bad in the last game that he just up and quit.  He's not coming back.  These are all the things he'd rather do than come back and lead you dumb sacks of shit:

Sunbathe and eat neck-bananas for as long as he wants...

Tone his manly-ass physique with aerobics and jogging...

Host backyard barbecues and invite some old friends over for dinner...

Play on the playground with a bunch of fucking Pokemon I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!!!!! ANYTHING! HE'D RATHER BE DOING ANYTHING ELSE THAN COME BACK TO TEAM FUCKING ROCKET!

No preparing for trouble, no making it double; the world is in for devastation, all people in the nation are divided, truth and love are not denounced in any capacity...your reach will extend no further, certainly not to the stars above, and you will fade into obscurity as other teams with even more ridiculous ideals come in to replace the sad shadow that was once a masterful criminal organization.

Y'all fucking blow now.

Feraligatr, lvl 33

Heracross, lvl 29

Fearow, lvl 26

Magmar, lvl 26

Weepinbell, lvl 23

Vulpix, lvl 21

Pokedex: 49, Badges: 6