Do you see this shit? THIS IS WHAT I WAS REDUCED TO! LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL!
But I documented the whole thing, bitches!
Violet City Gym: Falkner, the Poser-Ass Bitch
You'll know why in a minute, but I wanted to try something different for the gym battle break-downs. We are in a new generation, after all.
ROUND ONE:
Sandy's Geodude, lvl 11 vs. Falkner's Pidgey, lvl 7
I kinda like it this way, so now you get a visualization of the battle...FROM MY EYES!
Pidgey's faster, and I expected that. But he hits me with Mud-Slap. Forgot about that move. Shit was super-effective, but didn't do a whole lot of damage. Where it fucked me was that it also lowers Geodude's accuracy.
Rock Throw! Miss. Try again! Miss again!
Mud-Slap again! FUCKING TWICE!
Geodude's done had enough of this shit and puts Pidgey out with a single Rock Throw (that actually connects).
ROUND TWO:
Sandy's Totodile, lvl 11 vs. Falkner's Pidgeotto, lvl 9
I went with Totodile because--
HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!
HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FIND A PIDGEY THAT EVOLVED AT LEVEL FUCKING NINE?!?!?!?!?
BULLSHIT! BULL! SHIT!
Anyway, I went with Totodile because Geodude was too fucking blinded to hit anything reliably, and I figured Falkner would want to use Mud-Slap exclusively against him because he'd be weak to the Ground aspect and it will reduce his accuracy. Going with Totodile draws him out to use different attacks.
He starts with Gust, I hit with Scratch. Both do shit damage, so I decide to kick it up a notch. He hits me with Gust again, I go after him with Rage. I was able to go twice before he got another turn, so that worked out nicely, but then he made the fatal flaw I was hoping he would...
He kept attacking with Gust. If he used Sand-Attack, Totodile wouldn't get his attack strengthened and he'd be losing accuracy. Instead, he goes after me with a weak-ass Gust.
Twice.
Totodile becomes a hate machine and lays him out flat.
Or so I fucking thought! He had ONE FUCKING HEALTH POINT! ONE! I couldn't even see the damn thing! I thought I'd won!
Then he used Gust again. You don't...why...I don't even...
Scratch. Done. Zephyrbadge.
Wait...THAT WAS IT?!?
Falkner, you sad sack of shit! I barely tolerated Koga with his two-Koffing-one-Weezing bullshit, and I sure as hell wanted to take a bite out of Agatha and Lance from the Elite Four, but even they had the common decency to catch a third of the same species! And you miserable shit, you inherited this gym from your father, who was the gym leader before you! These aren't even your Pokemon! They're your father's! You're not a Pokemon trainer; you're a fucking Pokemon borrower! Shit, I walked into this gym with a Pidgey, a Spearow, and a Hoothoot, and all three of them were higher levels than ANY of the fucking shit-ass Pokemon I saw in this sorry excuse of a gym! Why am I not the fucking Violet City Gym leader!?!? I can go out and catch two more Pidgeys, I don't give a shit. Hell, I could walk back in here with a Pidgeotto, a Fearow and a Noctowl. I know a guy in Kanto that could hook me up with an Articuno, a Zapdos, a Moltres, and an Aerodactyl, you pussy bitch!
YOU DON'T FUCKING DESERVE THIS GYM AND YOU DISHONOR YOUR FATHER BY RUNNING IT!
Now, go do the right thing and kill yourself, Falkner. Maybe your weak-ass Pokemon will grow stronger once they've fed on your shitty little corpse.
I'm done with you.
Totodile, lvl 13
Geodude, lvl 12
Pidgey, lvl 12
Hoothoot, lvl 11
Spearow, lvl 11
Dunsparce, lvl 11
Pokedex: 13, Badges: 1
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