At last, I have returned to the Indigo Plateau! The Mecca for all Pokemon trainers. It was a considerably easier time getting up there through Silver Cave than it was getting through Victory Road. I wonder if I can go back there, catch myself a Moltres, and destroy all of humanity with it.
Well, there were a few important additions to the overall team that need to be addressed.
Remember way back when I was walking around Union Cave to try to find a damn Onix? Yeah...this one is nearly 30 levels higher than that one. Goodbye, weak-ass Onix. Hello, strong lady-Onix!
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry...did someone not tell you that you can only be in the Safari Zone? Because that's where you're supposed to be. Also, you're supposed to be a lot weaker and know much less moves. I mean COME THE FUCK ON! It's not like there was some hidden Rhyhorn enclave in the mountains of Johto somewhere; THIS GUY WAS FOUND IN THE WILD IN FUCKING KANTO, THREE YEARS AFTER GENERATION-I! That's bullshit, but a Rhydon would be nice, seeing as how I didn't get one until the Unknown Dungeon/Cerulean Cave.
Shut.
The.
Fuck.
UP!
I am SO catching this bitch and replacing Phanpy! Sorry...you're really adorable and all...but you gotta get the fuck out of here.
Hmmm...there appears to be a change to the Elite Four roster this year. Let's check this out:
First up is Will, a Psychic-type master. Well, it looks like Lorelei got the boot after they found a gym out in Mahogany town that did it all a little better.
Then we have...Koga?! Wait...THAT Koga?!?!?!?!? Oh, shit! That means I'll have to defeat...a bunch of fucking Koffings! Oh no! How terrible! Seriously, if he made it into the Elite Four on the backs of his Koffings, I'm applying to take his fucking position.
Third we have...Bruno! Hey, I remember you! I'm glad to see they've upgraded you to the third slot. You're a tough motherfucker!
The last of the Elite Four is...Karen? Oh, I guess Agatha got the boot then as well. She specializes in Dark-types, so that should certainly be interesting.
And the reigning champion is...LANCE?!?!?!?! Wait...that guy who helped me take down Team Rocket is the Pokemon League Champion?!? Hold on...how the fuck do you free up your schedule that much to just willy-nilly take down criminal organizations?
Then wait a second...where the hell is Fuck, I? Last I checked, Fuck, I was the reigning champ! I should know, I was him! Puzzling...
Oh, one thing I forgot to mention.
Dick-fucker, the magical fart-fairy, decided to challenge me in the dark dank-ass cave. Whooped his sorry shit, though. He brought his level 36 Sneasel, his level 38 Golbat, his level 37 Magneton, his level 37 Kadabra, his level 37 Haunter, and his level 40 Meganium. An impressive team, to be sure, but mine was superior. Run away, dip-shit. I'll meet your ass in Mount Moon.
I guess the only thing to do now is pick my team for the upcoming assault on the Elite Four and train them hard. Who to pick, though? Let's take a look at who exactly I'm gonna be up against and then we'll go from there.
Okay...after consulting the Wikidex (which is my way of saying I wiki'ed this shit), I've developed the following team to be trained for the Elite Four:
Lugia is currently my strongest Pokemon by far, and his Flying-type moves will be very effective against Bruno's Fighting-types and Koga's Bug-types. Also, if it learns Psychic, it's game over for all of Koga's team.
Jynx is going to be my main tool against Lance, as Dragon-types are weak to Ice-type attacks. Also, with Lovely Kiss, this bitch is gonna date-rape me straight to the top.
Magmar has been a solid competitor throughout my entire journey, and I never like to go up against a tough foe without a Fire-type in the party. Will's Exeggutor, all of Koga's Bug-types, and Karen's Vileplume are the main targets for Magmar, but really, I want him as an equalizer when I go up against Karen.
Ampharos is solid and is going to be pivotal in taking out Will's Xatus and his Slowbro, but he's also going to have the type-advantage over Karen's Murkrow, Koga's Crobat, and EVERY POKEMON ON LANCE'S TEAM! Because although he's a "Dragon Master", there are more secondary Flying-types on his team than primary Dragon-types...and here's a clue as to how many exactly: his whole fucking team can fly.
Kadabra is going to be more of a trick-player in this. I can use him against Bruno and Koga, surely, but he's actually going to be very useful in taking out many of Will's Pokemon because if you remember correctly...he knows Shadow Ball. If Psychic-type attacks are weak against other Pyschic-types, he's gonna tank through most of that fight.
Of course I'm going to bring in Feraligatr, but not for the reasons you think. Yes, he's my starter, but he has amazing Defense stats and he's only gets stronger the further I get through the Elite Four. No advantages against Will or Koga, but there's an advantage over Bruno's Onix, then an advantage over Karen's Houndoom and Murkrow...but then, he get's beastly against Lance. Ice Punch to take out the Dragonites, Surf to take out the Charizard and the Aerodactyl.
I'm proud of this team, but I don't think they're quite ready yet. Lance's last Dragonite is at level 50, so I'd like everyone in the party to hit at least level 42 before proceeding, and even that's ambitious.
Then again...think about the tale of Fuck, I.
Pokedex: 64, Badges: 8
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